| I speak twelve languages. English is the bestest. |
| Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands. |
| My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson'. |
| Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. |
| In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage away. They make it into television shows. |
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| My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. |
| Until I was thirteen I thought my name was 'Shutup'. |
| The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest. |
| The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. |
| I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. |
